I'm not a big fan of regular old chocolate chip cookies. Or rather, I'm not that impressed by them. They're just so . . . regular. But over the years I've tinkered with the recipe, adding this or that, replacing that or this. Following are the tweaks I regularly make to my chocolate chip cookies. Just grab a bag of chocolate chips, use the recipe on the back of the bag as a template, adding these adjustments-- I mean, secrets:

Secret Number 1: Garbanzo Bean Flour
I first used garbanzo bean flour when trying to make my sister some gluten-free cookies several years ago. The results were, to me, Ah-mazing. The flour adds a nutty, dense texture and loads of protein-- 54 grams per batch of cookies! I use this flour even when my cookies don't need to be gluten-free. Just replace all-purpose flour with garbanzo bean flour, cup for cup. I recommend Bob's Red Mill Garbanzo Bean Flour.

Secret Number 2: Add Oatmeal
For more great flavor and texture I replace half of the amount of flour with oatmeal. For example, if a recipe calls for 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour I'll use 1 1/4 cup garbanzo bean flour and 1 cup oatmeal-- just because it's easier to measure rather than trying to do 1 1/8 cup each. Even if you're sticking with all-purpose flour, replace half of it with oatmeal.

Secret Number 4: Cinnamon
Add 2, even 3, tablespoons of ground cinnamon to the cookies. It adds a nice subtle flavor without being too obvious/overpowering.

Secret Number 6: Melt Your Butter
I once saw Martha Stewart on some morning show, making cookies. The host was helping her and asked if there was a shortcut to making cookies if you forget to let the butter come to room temperature. Could you microwave the butter for 10 seconds? Heat it in the preheating oven? Martha wouldn't even let her finish asking the question before she cut her off and said "No. Absoultely not. If you forget to let your butter come to room temperature then you'll need to wait until your butter does come to room temperature."

Martha Stewart is a liar.

And bitchy.

Not only does melted butter help the sugar completely dissolve and be integrated into the cookies, it doesn't change the texture of the final cookie AND it means you can make cookies when you want to make cookies. Not two hours after you've set butter out.

Just heat the butter until it starts to melt, just be careful not to burn it-- stopping the melting process while it's still in stick form is good. You don't have to melt it all the way to liquid, it will keep melting as you mix it into the sugar. Then mix the butter with the sugar and let it cool for 10 minutes before adding the eggs so that they don't scramble. I like to do this step first and then move on to mixing the dry ingredients, coming back to add the eggs before mixing the two bowls.

Yesterday, I wrote about how to use natural and essential oils as part of your skin care regimen. But what I failed to mention was the care and consideration you should use when using essential oils while pregnant. The oils I use on a regular basis are lavender and rose hip seed oil. Both of these oils are safe for pregnancy, but there are several that are not.

Now, be advised, "they" tell you that you shouldn't do a lot of things while you're pregnant. Don't eat sushi. Don't eat soft cheeses. Don't use essential oils. Besides the obvious "don't do drugs or alcohol," I largely ignore these "don'ts" in favor of my own intuition and a little research. I use essential oils-- lavender and rose hip. I eat sushi-- from sushi vendors I'm familiar with and trust. I eat soft cheeses (feta, bleu), from vendors I'm familiar with and trust. Basically if it's a behavior I safely engaged in before pregnancy, I'm going to keep it up while pregnant; at least in moderation (again, besides the obvious drugs and alcohol). But pregnancy is not, for me, a time to go try a new sushi place and it's not a time to experiment with essential oils.

The problem is, the jury is still out on many essential oils. There hasn't been enough testing on humans, let alone pregnant ones, to really be able to tell you which oils are safe or not. This leads many health practitioners to just put the kabosh on ALL essential oils. Which is a safe way to approach essential oils, but for many of us it's not practical and it closes off an entire host of natural remedies for pregnancy AND labor discomforts. For example:

Stretch Marks
Remember all of those nice things I said about rose hip seed oil yesterday?

"This oil is A-MAZ-ING. I've only been using it regularly for a few weeks and I'm already in love. Rose hip seed oil contains retinol, Vitamin C, omega-3 AND omega-6 fatty acids. It's so great for your skin, I'm kicking myself for not having heard of it sooner, or used it sooner! It helps dermatitis, acne, eczema, wrinkles, sunburn AND brittle nails. It also helps reduce the appearance of scars, encourages cell rejuvenation, improves skin elasticity (I might start smearing this on my expanding belly!) and helps heal the little pits that can be left behind from deep acne. Whoa"

Well, those very qualities make rose hip seed oil FANTASTIC for preventing and treating stretch marks. I HAVE started to smear this on my belly, using my almond oil as a carrier oil.

Oils to Use and Oils to Avoid During Pregnancy
Here is a partial list of oils that are considered safe to use during pregnancy:
•    Bergamot
•    Roman chamomile
•    Eucalyptus
•    Geranium
•    Ginger
•    Grapefruit
•    Lavender
•    Lemon
•    Lemongrass
•    Lime
•    Mandarin
•    Neroli
•    Patchouli
•    Petitgrain
•    Rose Otto
•    Rosewood
•    Sandalwood
•    Sweet orange
•    Tea tree
•    Ylang ylang

And here is a partial list of oils that are considered unsafe for use during pregnancy:
•    Arnica (homeopathic is fine)
•    Basil
•    Birch (sweet)
•    Bitter almond
•    Boldo leaf
•    Broom
•    Buchu
•    Calamus
•    Camphor (brown or yellow)
•    Cassia
•    Cedarwood/thuja
•    Chervil
•    Cinnamon
•    Clary sage
•    Clove (bud, leaf or stem)
•    Coriander
•    Costus
•    Deertongue
•    Elecampane
•    Fennel
•    Horseradish
•    Hyssop
•    Jaborandi leaf
•    Juniper berry
•    Melilotus
•    Mugwort
•    Mustard
•    Nutmeg
•    Origanum
•    Parsley (large doses)
•    Pennyroyal
•    Pine (dwarf)
•    Rosemary
•    Rue
•    Sassafras
•    Savin
•    Savory (summer)
•    Tansy
•    Thyme red (large doses)
•    Tonka
•    Wintergreen
•    Wormwood

The oils that are considered safe to use have qualities that soothe and calm and promote the regeneration of skin cells. The oils that are considered unsafe are often considered so because they have "warming" qualities, can cause uterine contractions in high doses and are powerful enough to affect/stimulate menstrual cycles.

To learn more about the plants and herbs that these oils are made from, and the healing qualities they imbue, I recommend Rosemary Gladstar's Family Herbal

Following are some simple oil combinations and uses that may be helpful to you throughout your pregnancy:

Essential Pregnancy Massage Oil
Mix 2 ounces (4 tablespoons) of your favorite natural oil: jojoba, almond, coconut, etc.
with 20-25 drops of one of the following essential oils:
-- lavender
-- mandarin
-- chamomile
-- grapefruit
-- lemongrass
-- patchouli
-- rosewood
-- sandalwood
-- sweet orange
-- ylang ylang

Use it to massage your belly, your lower back or have your partner rub it into your tired, swollen feet.

Morning sickness
Certain oils can also help you kick those awful spells of morning sickness. Try dabbing patchouli or spearmint behind your ear. Or add a few drops of peppermint to some hot water, close your eyes and inhale. You can also try rubbing a little bit of these oils around your belly button to also help kick the ever-present nausea.

Try soaking a cotton ball in grapefruit oil and placing it by your bed. Smell this fist thing in the morning to help get things off on the right start.

Insomnia
Try the same cotton ball soaking method but with lavender oil and place it near your pillow. The soothing and lulling scent should help you unwind and get a good night of rest.

Labor and Delivery
Peppermint can help as a mental stimulant if labor is long and tiring. Likewise, lavender, ylang ylang or geranium oil can aid as an emotional stimulant. This website also has several recipes for oils to use throughout the pregnancy and to help prepare your body for delivery as the day draws near. Take for example this blend:

Three Weeks Before Delivery:

• 8 drops geranium oil
• 5 drops lavender oil
• 1 fl oz almond oil

Mix and rub on the perineum three times a day.  This helps to soften the cervix and thins the membrane to get ready for delivery.

However you decide to use them, don't be afraid of essential oils during pregnancy. Instead use this as time to educate yourself on essential oils and to try out some all natural, soothing, remedies for the discomforts of pregnancy.

Other Resources
To learn more about using essential oils during pregnancy, or to get some good recipes for blends, try these resources:

• Livestrong.com
• Babycentre.com
• Gentle Babies: Essential Oils and Natural Remedies for Pregnancy, Childbirth, Infants and Young Children
• EasyAromatherapyRecipes.com
• Aromatherapy and Massage for Mother and Baby

I've been using jojoba oil and lavender oil as my daily and nightly moisturizer for several years now and I couldn't be happier with the results. Not only are they all natural and fairly inexpensive but they are so so so SO good for your skin. I recently added rose hip seed oil and almond oil to the routine and my skin is g-l-o-w-i-n-g, and it's not (totally) from the pregnancy. I thought I'd share with you how I'm using these natural oils to clean and nurture my skin.

Pronounced ho-HO-ba, this oil from the jojoba tree (actually a liquid wax, but let's keep it simple and call it "oil"), is the one and only oil that is closest to our own skin oils. The idea is that this "tricks" the skin into thinking that it is producing enough oil thus balancing oil production if your skin is oily. Regardless of whether your skin is oily, normal, dry or combination, this oil is non-comedogenic and won't clog your pores.

How to use it
I started by using this on my skin after washing both day and night. It's best to use a little less in the morning than at night because it can leave a shine on your face. You can also use this oil to remove eye makeup and even to wash your entire face! I've also used it in a pinch when I'm traveling and I realize I've forgotten my conditioner. I've put in on my bikini area after shaving to reduce redness. I've used it on dry lips and as a massage oil when Andy's back is complaining. It's a great all-purpose oil!

Where to buy it
My favorite place to buy jojoba oil is Trader Joe's. TJ's seems to have to best price (about $5 for a 4 oz bottle) but your local co-op or Whole Foods will also have it. If you're looking to buy online, Swanson Vitamins is my favorite place for a great selection, competitive prices and great customer service.

Not only does it have a beautiful, calming smell, lavender oil is a great disinfectant-- meaning it helps kill the bacteria on your skin that can cause breakouts. It also reduces redness (bye bye red spots!) and helps heal wounds (bye bye oozing, disgusting pimples!).

How to use it
It's a good idea to always use a carrier oil when dealing with essential oils, meaning you use another oil, such as jojoba oil, along with the essential oil to help dilute it as essential oils can be really strong/powerful/irritating if used in high concentrations. I usually put a few drops of jojoba oil in my hand, followed by a few drops of lavender oil, rub my hands together and apply it to my face and neck. But here's a great shortcut: when your jojoba oil is half empty, fill the rest of the bottle up with lavender oil. Give it a shake before using and simplify your routine.

I used to use the jojoba and lavender combo day and night but once I started dating Andy I cut back to only using it in the morning and using straight jojoba oil or almond oil at night. When you get used to using lavender oil on a regular basis you kind of stop smelling it. But when you slather it all over your face at night your bed partner can't do anything BUT smell it. So if you're not sleeping alone, I suggest not using lavender oil at night . . . or you may be sleeping alone. Keep reading to find out what I do suggest you use at night.

Where to buy it
Your local co-op, Whole Foods or health food store should have plenty of this on hand. Online I've had a lot of luck and great service from Vitacost.com. Good lavender oil should cost anywhere from $20 an ounce and up.

This oil is A-MAZ-ING. I've only been using it regularly for a few weeks and I'm already in love. Rose hip seed oil contains retinol, Vitamin C, omega-3 AND omega-6 fatty acids. It's so great for your skin, I'm kicking myself for not having heard of it sooner, or used it sooner! It helps dermatitis, acne, eczema, wrinkles, sunburn AND brittle nails. It also helps reduce the appearance of scars, encourages cell rejuvenation, improves skin elasticity (I might start smearing this on my expanding belly!) and helps heal the little pits that can be left behind from deep acne. Whoa!

How to use it
I use this, and only this, at night. I skip the carrier oil, rose hip seed oil doesn't seem to bother me at full strength, and use it all over my face and neck. The great thing is that it doesn't have a smell so it's great to use at night.

Where to buy it
Again, your local co-op or Whole Foods is the place to start. I haven't found a competitive online retailer for rose hip seed oil but I'll let you know when I do. The bottle above should cost you about $6 for an ounce.

Almond oil is light, nongreasy and quickly absorbed by the skin. It's high in fatty acids that your skin will gobble up and is reported to help "plump out" wrinkles and prevent further skin damage. It's also affordable and can double as massage oil or a hair conditioner.

How to use it
I bought almond oil when I was out of jojoba oil and couldn't find any. It's about the same price as jojoba oil so it was an easy decision. After I found jojoba oil (it's still my favorite) i began to use it only at night. Until I started using pure rose hip seed oil at night. So now I use my almond oil as an eye makeup remover (my jojoba is mixed with lavender oil and I don't want that on my eyes) and to massage Andy's sore back (the boy works hard!).

So now my almond oil sits around largely unused. But I do love the stuff and I think I'll use it as baby massage oil when the little one comes along. "Baby Oil" is largely made of mineral oil, which is natural but not safe for babies to digest. It can kill them or make them very sick. If my baby can't safely ingest something, I don't want to rub it all over her skin. Olive, almond, and coconut oil are great alternatives and I think I'll be making almond oil my oil of choice. Mainly because it doesn't smell.

Where to buy it
You know where. Co-op. Whole Foods. Health food store. The bottle above will should cost you about $6 for 4 oz.

Cheap oils (that have been made from poor crops, have been sitting on a shelf for too long or have been adulterates with chemicals or other oils) won't work as well, or at all, on your skin and could even irritate your skin. Here are some tips on buying good oils:

-- Avoid buying bottles with the words “fragrance oil,” “nature identical oil,” or “perfume oil.”

-- Same goes for "therapeutic grade" or "aromatherapy grade." There is no grading standard for oils and this language is often used by companies with something to hide.

-- Buy essential oils that are sold in dark colored glass-- whether you're buying 1 oz or 16 oz. The dark glass helps protect the oil from light and the glass won't leech into the oil the way plastic will. If the oil is cheap and in a light colored plastic bottle, it's probably too good to be true.

-- Yes, organic oils are superior to non-organic.

-- The more information the product or website lists about the product, the better. Latin name of the plant the oil is made from, when it was made, how it is packaged, etc.

These are the tips I follow but there are a lot of other tips on buying quality oils here.

Do you regularly use any oils? What kind and what for? I want to learn more!

Morcilla, black pudding, blood pudding, red pudding, blutwurst, blood sausage. Whatever you call it, it’s delicious.

I first tasted and fell in love with morcilla when I lived in Madrid in 2008. The Spanish aren’t queasy about this food and you can find it served or for sale almost anywhere.

When Andy decided it was time to butcher one of our cows I grew excited (a little too excited) at the idea of making some morcilla since I’d have access to some fresh blood.

Morcilla, by the way, can be made from fresh cow, pig, goat, sheep, and even duck blood, though pig’s blood is the most common.

I began researching recipes online-- looking for recipes that were simple, required ingredients that I could easily get, had flavors that I liked, didn’t have flavors I knew I didn’t like in my morcilla. In Spain you can generally have morcilla con cebolla (blood sausage with onions) or morcilla con arroz (with rice). I don’t really like the texture of the rice in the morcilla and I find the onions add a lot of flavor, so I looked for recipes that reflected that.

I ended up combining two different recipes and the results were spectacular. The blood sausage I made today may possibly be the best blood sausage I’ve ever had.

Apples, onions, spices, bacon, mmmm.

The family, by the way, likes the sausage (no one had ever had it before) but they’re not sure if they can get over what it is yet. Maybe you’ll have this same problem/reaction. But if you’re not bothered with eating the flesh, even the organs, of an animal I don’t see why you should be bothered by blood sausage. Just try it.

BUT if you want to “buy it before you try it” I recommend seeking out a gourmet sausage maker. Any morcilla I’ve ever found in the supermarket has not been worth eating. Also, a gourmet sausage maker will be able to help you find some of the not-so-average ingredients you’ll need when it comes time to make your own blood sausage (blood, hog casings).

Ok, on to the recipe!

Spice Mix
1 tsp black pepper
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cloves
1 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp paprika
2 tsp salt

Apples
3 apples peeled and diced
1 Tbsp butter or oil
1/2 tsp spice mix

Onions
1 Tbsp butter or oil
1 large onion, diced
1 clove of garlic, minced

Sausage
10 ounces of diced pork fat back (I ended up using bacon)
2-3 slices fresh bread crumbs (no crust, processed until super fine)
1 1/2 Tbsp spice mix
5 oz heavy cream
3 eggs
2 1/2 cups (20 oz) fresh blood
6 ft of hog casings (as your butcher or sausage maker)

Tools
Mixing bowl
Large pot of simmering water
Latex gloves (I ended up ditching them halfway through-- too slippery)
Kitchen twine (about 4, 6-inch pieces)
Large soda or water bottle with the bottom cut off
Old newspaper
Toothpick
Scissors
Bowl of ice water

Directions

Cook the apples in the butter with the spice mix until soft but not falling apart. Put in mixing bowl.

Cook the onions and garlic in butter until translucent, add to apples in mixing bowl.

Add the diced fat back, bread crumbs, and spices to the mixing bowl. In a smaller bowl, add a little bit of the cream to the eggs, to make them easy to incorporate, and whisk. Add eggs and remaining cream to the larger mixing bowl. Mix well.

At this stage, if the blood has become clotted pour it in a blender, blend and strain. Add t mixing bowl and mix thoroughly. The consistency should be almost like cake or brownie batter. If it looks too thin add more bread crumbs. I ended up adding a little bit of leftover cooked rice because it was handy and I didn't need much.

Heat a small skillet and cook up a patty to taste. Cook until done, both sides will look black but they aren't burnt.

Adjust seasoning as needed.

Fold the edge of the old newspaper over the sink to help catch any spills. Also, if you haven't already, put the large pot of water on the stove to boil. After it reaches a boil, turn it down to a simmer. Put the mixing bowl in the sink. Grab one end of the hog casings and measure about the length of your arm. Cut. Tie one end of this piece tightly with string. Do NOT cut the string. You'll be using it to tie the other end, looping the sausage.

Find the opening of the other end of the hog casing (easier without gloves) and fit it over the neck of the bottle. Hold tightly. With your other hand, spoon the sausage mix into the bottle. Use your hand, or a friend's hand, to gently stuff the mixture into the casing by sliding your finger down the neck of the bottle. Try to eliminate as much air as possible from getting into the casing (no air bubbles).

Add the casing to the simmering water. After about 3 minutes pull the sausage out and prick it with the toothpick on both sides, every 2 inches. This will release any air bubbles and will allow room for the eggs to expand.

** I do this after it's begun to cook because less blood leaks out. HOWEVER don't think you can walk away. Just like toast in the oven will burn if you walk way, sausage in a pot will burst if you walk away. Just stand there and wait for it to turn grayish and then prick it.

Return the sausage to the pot and cook for 20-30 minutes until there is no blood when pricked. Hint: This is a good time to go make the next sausage link :)

When sausage is done, remove from hot water into ice bath, until cool.

Wrap and freeze the sausage until you're ready to eat it.

To Prepare
Slice sausage and cook in a hot skillet, 2-3 minutes on each side.
Serve with eggs, potatoes, cheese and/or tortillas. Or on a sandwich!

Yummmmm.

*Tip: a hot, hot frying pan will help you cook the morcilla without the skin shrinking so much that the morcilla pops out. If you try to take the skin off before you cook the morcilla, you'll end up with blood sausage crumbles.

And of course, remove the skin before eating.

Want some more ideas on how to prepare and serve your morcilla?

• Morcilla, piquillo pepper and quail eggs
• Two recipes-in-one: Pan-fried morcilla & Spanish stew with morcilla, chorizo and cannellini beans
• Morcilla with potatoes and paprika
• Lentils with morcilla

Annnnnd, a collection of Spanish recipes using morcilla

Buen Provecho!

Here you go, a list of 5 things I'm enjoying a lot. Right now.

I was really bummed that picnik.com was acquired by Google+ and as of April 19th, only available there. I'd been using picnik.com as my free photo editor for years and had only just jumped into the deep end by purchasing a $4.95 a month membership that gave me access to every editing tool they had.

April 19th came along and I began looking for a new, free, photo editing site. Not finding anything anywhere half as decent, or easy to work with, I went to picnik.com to see how I could start using their services on Google+. I mean, I have an abandoned account there (at Google+) and everything, I may as well.

TA-DAH!!

In addition to their move to Google+, picnik.com announced their new, free, photo editing site: picmonkey.com

And dare-I-say, it's even better than picnik.com. It's cleaner, simpler, a little more grown up, sassier and has even more editing tools. And for now, EVERYTHING is free, though I will certainly be paying for an upgrade as soon as I have too. How do you think I made the banner on this website? The "like us on facebook" button? My book cover(s)? These photos awesome?

I'll tell ya how: picnik.com AND (now) picmonkey.com that's how.
And the best part: If you don't want to have a paid membership you can use the website without creating an account! No username, no password, no pesky emails, no account to get hacked into with all of your darling (or risque!) photos there linked back directly to you. If you don't create and account, picmonkey doesn't store your photos.

Awesome sauce.

Go getcha some.

I became friends with these guys back when I was a producer at Native America Calling. They made me laugh and think then, and they're still making me laugh and think now. I'll let their work speak for itself (themselves?) but suffice it to say, I really admire what they're doing and I hope you like it too.

They describe themselves as:

The 1491s is a sketch comedy group, based in the wooded ghettos of Minnesota and buffalo grass of Oklahoma. They are a gaggle of Indians chock full of cynicism and splashed with a good dose of indigenous satire. They coined the term All My Relations, and are still waiting for the royalties. They were at Custer’s Last Stand. They mooned Chris Columbus when he landed. They invented bubble gum. The 1491s teach young women how to be strong. And… teach young men how to seduce these strong women.

You can follow them here: www.1491s.com
here: @the1491s
here: youtube: The1491s
and here: facebook: 1491s

This video is just too cute.

Burt's Bees Mama Bee Belly Butter (thanks Mom!) This stuff has almost no scent, is 99% natural and is the perfect buttery-smooth lotion to rub all over that growing belly after a warm shower.

Unless you've been living under a rock (or outside of the U.S.) you probably already know about Burt's Bees and possibly even the Belly Butter. BUT do you know about Aromas para el Alma (Aromas for the Soul)?

It's an organic cosmetic company that makes oils, scrubs, lotions, sprays, etc here in Costa Rica!

I picked up a bottle of this belly massage oil a few weeks ago and it is divine. It's made especially for pregnant women (who can be sensitive to essential oils) with pregnancy-safe oils of geranium, orange, lavender, almond and coconut. Between frequently rubbing it on my belly AND using it to rub Andy's back, I've barely made a dent in it-- it's just about the top of the label right now, making it well worth the $16 I paid for it.

In addition, Aromas para el Alma is a company formed and almost entirely made up of women who are committed to keeping the company carbon neutral, using organic oils, and donating a percentage of their sales to environmental education and recycling and conservation programs, here in Costa Rica.

Awesome!

In hindsight, it had been a strange day. Daisy and Satya were both at the house and Martha was expected to come up for lunch. I hadn't seen Jayne all day. At one point she came downstairs looking sweet and pretty in a nice white sweater.

"You look nice Jayne. I haven't seen you all day! Are you avoiding me?"

Jayne blushed a little.

"No of course not! Why would I be avoiding you?"

Haha of course she's not avoiding me. Maybe she's just tired and has been napping.

Later, EVERYONE disappeared. I thought about looking for them but decided it was a good quiet time to go take a nap. Something they were all probably doing anyway.

A few hours later, Satya yells for me:

"Darla, Andy's calling you in the shower!"

Andy's calling me in the shower? Oh no, I wonder what's wrong. His back has been acting up a little from all of the hard work he's been doing-- is he having a spasm in the shower?!?!

I ran upstairs and flung open the bathroom door.

"Andy?! What's wrong?"

"Huh? Oh. Uh. I have a cyst on my leg. Look."

I opened the shower curtain and saw him squeezing at something on his leg.

Gross.

"Oookkaaay. Your sister said you were calling me. What do you want me to do about it?"

"Will you squeeze it for me?"

I gave him a look like, You have got to be kidding me. "It looks like you've got it under control . . . can I go now?" Geez he's acting weird. SOMEBODY sure needs some attention today. Maybe he's already jealous of the baby.

"No, not yet. My hands are sore and dry from the cement work, can you rub some lotion into them?"

"Suuuurrrre . . . but you're still in the shower."

"Oh. Well . . ." (searches around for a moment) " . . . I'm done."

Twenty minutes later, Daisy called us downstairs for lunch. Martha and her daughter Jessica had arrived and the ribs were finally done.

Martha yells "YAY! Here she is!"

Confused, because I should be the one saying that about her, I lean in to hug her when I notice the balloons. And the ribbons. And the basket of presents.

"Oh. Oh! Oh!" I began to tear up, realizing what was happening. They're throwing us a baby shower!

I looked at Andy to see the surprise on his face when I realized he was in on it too.
"Darla, Andy's calling you in the shower!"

Sure he was.

I have to hand it to my in-laws, I'm not that easy to surprise and they pulled it off, made me watery-eyed and everything.

Under the guise of a family lunch they managed to gather all of Andy's sisters (save for Wendy who is currently in Boston), and their families, to shower Andy and I, and the little bump, with lots of love and joy. Daisy and Jayne cooked up some ribs, followed a few hours later by one of my current favorites: BLT's. (Daisy had never eaten, let alone made, a BLT in her life but by god they were some damn good BLT's!) And my favorite Daisy dessert: tiramisu, she makes the best, seriously (the secret is in using galletas Maria instead of lady fingers).

And Jayne had been avoiding me! All morning long she was working on crocheting some little booties and a little cap-- in one morning!

Satya and Tin also gave us a soft, fuzzy, beautiful blanket, as did Maxine, Andy's mom. But-- if I may choose a favorite-- the most darling, beautiful gift came from Daisy-- who also masterminded the entire surprise.

It's an old fashioned sleeper and isn't it beautiful! She made it herself and it's lined in flannel, to keep the little one nice and warm, with a drawstring around the feet and beautiful lace and embroidery details.

If the baby isn't too small, this will definitely be the first thing she wears, I'm so in love with it. Daisy also made one in pure white flannel.

The shower was wonderful and I am super-impressed that they managed to surprise me. I didn't even have one inkling of a wonder. I doubt they'll be able to pull it off again though-- now I'm on to them!

Pregnancy Update
My body has gone through a lot of changes in the last few weeks. My eyesight is suffering-- something that is normal due to all of the hormones and will rebalanced post-baby. But it's still a bit disconcerting when I have trouble focusing on things, especially since I don't wear contacts or glasses. Oh well, just another pregnancy quirk to get used to!

I'm gaining about a pound a week and the baby is about 8.5 ounces now. I felt the first "flutter" last Tuesday while lying in bed early in the morning. It actually felt like a ripple to me. I haven't felt too much since then, but Friday night and Saturday night I was awoken in the early morning to lots of acrobatics. It's all sweet and reassuring-- if inconvenient (2 a.m.?!?) and I can't wait for the flutters and ripples to become strong little kicks that Andy can feel. Every time I tell him I can feel the baby moving he gently puts his hand on my stomach and waits. It's very sweet. I'm going to love seeing the look on his face when he puts his hand there and finally feels something.

Coming up later this week: Where to go on a fancy-schmancy vacation on the Costa Rican Pacific, how to butcher your own cow, and a recipe for morcilla-- blood sausage! I fell in love with morcilla when I lived in Spain and I'm so excited to make my own-- due to butchering our own cow.

Hey, welcome to life on the farm. One week we're living it up on the beach, the next we're butchering cows and making weird food out of them.

My sister and her boyfriend were visiting us last week and she managed to take a few shots of Andy, me, and the belly. These are at 16 weeks pregnant and though I feel HUGE, I know I have a long way to go-- as evidenced by the fact that Andy's hand can still almost completely cover my belly.

One of my earliest memories is that of my sister Anna, then 4, and I, then 5, playing outside in late summer and watching our parents work outside on our small ranch. We were born and raised in the small town where both of our parents had been raised and which had always been part of our ancestral lands. I was just beginning to learn about the world at large and comprehending the existence of other languages. And I was itching to experience it. All of it.

As we played and watched our parents, Anna said, “I’m going to live here with Mommy and Daddy forever and ever. Even when I’m big.”

The look I gave her! In my mind I thought, Well, you’re just a kid. When you get big like me you’ll think differently. The idea of staying in one little corner of the world for the rest of my life already sounded imprisoning. The World was already beckoning. Out loud I said, “Not me! I’m going to travel all over and see everything and learn new languages.”

To which Anna responded, “Not me!”

Twenty-five years later, we’ve each held true to what our little selves thought knew about the lives we had in store for us. Anna lives in the next small town over from where we grew up, just a quick 45-minute country drive, and I’ve spent the last 10 years travelling (Italy, Germany, Austria, Italy- again, Mexico, Spain, Portugal, Costa Rica) and living (Iowa, Spain, New Mexico, Costa Rica) in places that were not “home.”

I’ve also spent the last 10 years being homesick. The irony is, growing up, I longed for the adventure of world travel. Now that I’m all grown up, I long for the comfort, familiarity, dare-I-say predictability, of Home. 

 . . . Not to live there, of course. I’d go crazy in a heartbeat.

Exactly one year ago today, I was stepping on a plane headed for Costa Rica and what I thought would be a whirlwind romantic vacation.

Today, I’ve not only made Costa Rica, and a certain redheaded Tico, my home, but it will also be the home of our little girl, due to arrive at the end of September. 

Homesickness is, of course, natural. But being pregnant has added another dimension to it. First of all, my hormones heighten every emotion. Second of all, this place that I now call home—this foreign place with its foreign culture, foreign realities and foreign language, is going to be Home to my daughter. This will be the place that she longs for when she finds herself anywhere but here. My Home, the place I will always long for, will be an interesting, far away, foreign land where she knows she has family that loves her and where she visits a few months of every year. It will be home, but it will never be Home.

And that’s okay.

But it’s occurring to me that my daughter is going to grow up very differently than I did. For example, by virtue of location she will be bilingual. She will be, to some extent, homeschooled. The mountains, rivers, and even the trees, subject to her childhood exploration will not be the same mountains, rivers, and trees subject to my childhood exploration. Nor of her maternal grandparents childhood explorations, nor of the grandparents that come before that.

How do I compensate for that? Will I be able to give her an accurate and complete part of me when I’m so far away from the people and the place that made me who I am? How well will I be able to guide her when everything she’s learning is also new to me? When it’s also something that I’m in the process of learning?  Will she ever fully understand me? What if she thinks I’m an idiot? What if I am an idiot? What if I’m unprepared for raising a child? What if I let her down?

But reading these concerns I realize that the same advice all mothers receive applies here, even if the situation is different than most. Don’t try to plan everything. Take it one day at a time. No mother has all of the answers. You’ll figure it out.

It will all be okay.